confess your sins against the tome and receive judgment from the council. derek is not eligible to judge. derek is not eligible for anything.
click any sin to auto-confess. the council appreciates efficiency.
you were doing something else between 8 and 9pm EST. the tome noticed. the tome always notices.
the tome cannot function with socks. this is structural. it has never been explained why.
thou canst not summarise the tome. a man tried in 2009. he opened his mouth. he sat back down.
the ikea manual is a false god. the dictionary is in therapy. there is only the tome.
derek keeps suggesting it. if you are also suggesting it you are becoming derek. do not become derek.
derek gooned with the curtains open once. we lost derek. the curtains must be CLOSED.
the tome is transcribed live at twitch.tv/bobbymacke. this is not optional. the council has been notified.
reginald boof described it as "probably just a book." this has been described as the most wrong any human has ever been about anything.
speak your sins into the void. the council is listening. except derek. derek is not listening. derek is not allowed to listen.
the confessional is open. the tome is watching. terrence is judging silently. speak.
confessions are reviewed every other tuesday in the medium sized shed. your confession will be filed in the filing cabinet guarded by terrence. derek is not permitted to view confessions. confessions submitted during goon hour (8-9pm EST) will not be read until 9:01pm. this is commandment II. the fire can also wait.
redacted where necessary. derek's confessions have been removed entirely.
forgive me father for i have sinned i looked directly at the boobothy mackington esquire the third without my certified ohio protection goggles and now i am simply a noise
council ruling: sentenced to three additional goon hours
i answered the phone during goon hour. it was my mother. she asked if i was eating well. i said yes. this was a lie. i was eating derek's yoghurt. i have committed two sins simultaneously.
council ruling: double goon hour for a month. the yoghurt has been confiscated.
i have been on page 304 for seven years. i have a beard now. i wave sometimes. i am not stuck. i am simply thorough. please tell the council i am doing fine.
council ruling: take your time. we see you. we support you.
i suggested a yoghu—
council ruling: derek is not eligible to confess. derek is not eligible for anything.
i played cock a doody black cocks 2 instead of cock a doody black cocks 3. i understand now that the second one did worse what the first one did wrong. i understand now that the third fixed everything. the duck's foreword was very clear about this and i should have listened to the duck.
council ruling: must complete CADBK3 with minimum 90% before next goon hour. terrence scored 94% and he is a goose.