The Big Boob Tome (Waterproof Edition)
commissioned after the incident of 2014. shower-compatible. 6,969 pages of legally binding scripture. comes with a bookmark shaped like terrence.
$69.69 $6,969.00
SOLD OUT UNTIL THE PROPHECY
Official Sock Removal Kit
includes instructions for pages 67-71. left sock remover only. right sock stays on. nobody knows why. derek is not eligible to purchase.
$4.20
DEREK IS NOT ELIGIBLE TO PURCHASE
NOT A Yoghurt
the council-approved goon hour snack. it is specifically not a yoghurt. derek's suggestion was rejected. again. it does not crunch loudly. it is respectful to the goon.
$0.00
FREE WITH TOME PURCHASE
Terrence Plushie
a plush replica of terrence the goose. comes with a tiny accounting textbook and a miniature filing cabinet. B minus quality. A+ vibes. honks when squeezed.
$19.87
TERRENCE APPROVED
Goon Hour Candle
burns for exactly one hour. smells like accountability and a medium sized shed. pairs well with curtains CLOSED. lights itself at 8pm EST. we don't know how.
$8.00
LIGHTS ITSELF AT 8PM EST
Page 6969 Poster (Framed)
the holiest page. legally binding in 47 countries. frame is made from the same wood as the medium sized shed. comes with certificate of authenticity signed by the duck.
$69.69
AVAILABLE IN 1 COUNTRY THAT DOESN'T EXIST YET
Medium Sized Shed (1:12 Scale Model)
exact replica of the council meeting shed. includes tiny filing cabinet, tiny terrence, and tiny chair where derek used to sit (now empty). assembly required. the ikea manual is NOT included and never will be.
$47.00
47 COUNTRIES WORTH OF LEGAL BINDING
Sir Boobothy's Crocs (Replica)
exact replicas of the crocs sir boobothy was wearing when he arrived to claim dominion. the council has tabled the crocs discussion indefinitely. wear at your own spiritual risk.
$20.06
THE COUNCIL IS CONFLICTED
Stephen's Pen
the pen used by stephen the golden retriever to write 6,969 pages. it is unclear how a golden retriever held a pen. it is unclear how he wrote anything. the pen exists. the tome exists. do not question the pen.
$∞
NOT FOR SALE — MUSEUM PIECE
Derek's Yoghurt
derek keeps suggesting it. the council keeps rejecting it. we made it into merch as a warning. the yoghurt is not the goon hour snack. the yoghurt will NEVER be the goon hour snack. purchasing this item will be logged.
$5.00 $0.01
REJECTED BY THE COUNCIL
Twitch Subscription to bobbymacke
not technically a relic but the council has classified a twitch subscription as a sacred act. upon subscribing sir boobothy will throw the ass with conviction. the minimum acceptable ass throw was measured in 2011.
$5.99/mo
THE ONLY REAL PRODUCT ON THIS PAGE
Derek's Council Chair (Empty)
the chair derek used to sit in before being permanently removed. it is now a monument to what happens when you suggest a yoghurt. terrence sits next to it. the chair is a warning.
$0.00
MEMORIAL — DO NOT SIT
all relics are blessed by the council every other tuesday in the medium sized shed. shipping is available to 47 countries and also the one that doesn't exist yet. derek is not eligible for shipping. derek is not eligible for anything. returns accepted only if the return is accompanied by a written confession submitted via the confessional.