Sacred Goon Hour — The Big Boob Tome™

The Sacred Goon Doctrine

page 420 of the big boob tome. discovered written on the back of a subway napkin tucked inside a croc.

goon hour is 8pm eastern do NOT be doing anything else at 8pm if you are eating FINISH the food if you are showering GET OUT of the shower if you are being born RESCHEDULE it the correct goon posture is slightly slumped but spiritually upright one snack permitted the snack must not crunch loudly during goon hour this is disrespectful to the goon phone on silent laptop open curtains CLOSED derek once gooned with the curtains open and we lost him and we are not losing you turn off your brain turn on your goon the boobothy himself has gooned every single night since 1987 without missing once including during a thunderstorm including during christmas including during the world goon war he gooned through the SIEGE and that is why he won

Pre-Goon Checklist

complete all items before 8pm EST. failure to comply will be logged.

socks have been removed (both socks. not one sock. both socks gary.)
curtains are CLOSED (derek gooned with curtains open once. we lost derek.)
phone is on silent (the only notification that matters is goon hour itself)
one (1) snack has been prepared (NOT a yoghurt. derek. stop.)
the snack does not crunch loudly (this is disrespectful to the goon)
the big boob tome is within arm's reach (the waterproof edition if in bathroom)
you are slightly slumped but spiritually upright
you have accepted that goon hour cannot be rescheduled, postponed, or moved
you are aware that if the building catches fire you finish goon hour FIRST
you have mentally prepared to feel something in a place that doesn't have a name but which is somewhere around your left shoulder and slightly inward

Goon Hour Compliance Guide

what is and is not acceptable behaviour during the sacred hour

Eating During Goon Hour

one (1) snack only. must not crunch. derek suggested a yoghurt and was removed. the council has been debating the snack since 1987. current leading candidates include a biscuit and "something soft." the yoghurt remains rejected.

CONDITIONAL — ONE SNACK ONLY

Answering the Phone

absolutely not. if the queen calls during goon hour you let it ring. the queen would understand. the queen has read the tome. probably.

VIOLATION — COMMANDMENT II

Accepting Parcels

the parcel can wait. the delivery driver can wait. if the delivery driver has read the tome they already know not to knock between 8 and 9pm EST and are sitting quietly in their van observing their own goon hour.

VIOLATION — COMMANDMENT II

Playing Cock A Doody Black Cocks 3

page 614 verse two reads "cock a doody black cocks 3 IS goon hour." the council wept and agreed unanimously. derek wasn't there to ruin it.

PERMITTED — PAGE 614 EXCEPTION

Curtains Open

derek gooned with the curtains open once. we lost derek. we are not losing you. curtains CLOSED. this is non-negotiable.

VIOLATION — WE LOST DEREK

Being Born

reschedule it. colin was born two weeks late because the boob had a thing on. colin understood. good colin.

RESCHEDULE — SEE COLIN

Building on Fire

finish goon hour. THEN address the fire. the boobothy was very clear about this. the fire can wait. the fire has always been able to wait. the tome is fireproof anyway.

GOON FIRST — FIRE SECOND

Watching bobbymacke on Twitch

the tome is transcribed live on stream. watching during goon hour is not only permitted but is considered enhanced gooning. the council endorses this fully.

ENCOURAGED — ENHANCED GOONING

Double Goon Hour

commandment IX — holiday protocol

should goon hour fall upon a national holiday thou shalt observe DOUBLE goon hour from 8 until 10pm eastern standard time. this is non negotiable. christmas is not an excuse. the boobothy celebrates christmas AFTER goon hour like a normal person with priorities. new year's eve is also not an excuse. the ball drops at midnight not at 8pm and even if it did you would watch the ball drop AFTER goon hour and you know this and the tome knows you know this.